vampire runner
2020-09-20
Thinking back to the time before I was aware that "I" am ...
I have a vague recollection of operating in darkness, in a void.
Just doing what was to be done.
Learning to grasp, crawl, walk.
Being.
And it was good.
And, then, it wasn't.
I became "self" aware, "self" conscious.
Just doing - being - was no longer sufficient or appropriate.
There were "others" to consider, I suppose; because they seemed to consider "me."
I like to run in the dark.
A vampire runner. Preferring to end my runs before the light of day overcomes the night.
When I run in the dark, I just run.
I exist and operate in nothing, a void.
No expectation of what's to come. Free.
The hills I can't see, often don't even exist.
On occasion, I become aware of challenge - steps quickening and becoming playfully light, downhill; strength being summoned joyfully into long powerful strides, uphill.
Still, I just go on. Running. Being.
Not A Runner.
A running being. No "self."
Maybe you're not a vampire runner.
Consider some other things we seem to naturally enjoy doing in the dark:
Dancing.
Sex.
Sleeping.
No "other." No "self." Just being.
I am not suggesting seeking darkness as a technique for summoning the void.
It's a metaphor; a means for me to begin to relate the concept. And that can only take you so far; it's an entrée.
Occasionally, the dark can elicit the memory.
And, once remembered, that "self"-less void is more easily recognized, becoming more readily and frequently apparent.
Even in broad daylight.
Just doing what is to be done.
Being.
And it is good.