one of the great tragedies of being human
2021-03-03
It's easy to meet a stranger as they are. We've put no burden upon them ... our perception of them isn't carrying our needs. Our perception has not yet become mistaken for the other.
It's hard for us to do the same as a loved/loving one. We've developed a whole set of images (limitations, imposed needs, responsibilities ... burdens) and reinforced them over time.
Our perception has become mistaken for the other. We've forgotten along the way who/what we really are and how it all works.
And when things change (development, divorce, dementia, death), as they always must, these already-freighted, "self"-based perceptions struggle under the load.
We struggle.
We struggle to maintain the images that seem to represent safety or stability.
We struggle with the prospect of as-yet-unfulfilled needs closing out early, leaving us forever unfulfilled.
It's one of the great tragedies of being human.
We are conditioned early on to see others in terms of our needs - either fulfilling our perceived needs or needing the other to be different (in order to have our perceived needs fulfilled).
This hurts us in several ways:
- It reinforces neediness - we become a bundle of needs; needs we might not otherwise have except that someone told us that we should.
- It reinforces separation - we forget that there are no others and lose sight of our single true self buried in layers of invented need.
The unfortunate result is that we miss out on the joy of recognizing each other (and the rest of the universe) as we really are - unvarnished - free to enjoy our human frailties and fripperies as they're meant to be, as mechanisms for experiencing that which we otherwise could not.
The fortunate thing is that this gift is still - and always - available to us. As we remember this, it becomes more and more apparent.
What would they be without that cloak of needs?
What would we?