names
2021-05-14
Names are important.
Remembering others' names.
Pronouncing them correctly.
Spelling them right.
Doing so is a sign of respect. Honoring the other's wishes and recognizing their individuality.
Not doing so - whether by ignorance, carelessness, wanton disregard, or outright hostility - can sting.
It feels as if the other is, in failing to get our name right, telling us:
- I don't care enough to bother.
- You aren't worth my consideration.
- I want you to know that I don't care about you.
- In fact, I want you to know that I outright loathe you.
I know you don't like it, but I'm going to call you by this not_your_name anyways.
I'd like to question this assumption of importance, take a new way of looking at names.
Let's see what's happening here ...
When we come into human form we are realizing a gift - the ability to experience our self and the love that we are.
The way it works is that we appear separate - from each other, from all of the things around us, from god.
We develop concepts upon which we can generally agree in order to share our human experience.
In the process, we name things.
As we separate them out from their surroundings and contexts, we give them unique identifiers - enabling us to communicate and differentiate one thing from another in a short-hand fashion, and to do so without requiring a mutual experience of that thing (as if naming the thing is equivalent to experiencing the thing).
So, we give our selves (or each other) names.
It seems necessary (or at least handy) given that we are in a state in which we more-often-than-not perceive our self as separate, individual.
Imagine what it would be like if we all had the same name - functionally, it'd be like having no name at all - Hey You! No, not You; the other You.
Trouble is, we forget.
We forget that we are merely in a state (human) in which we are perceiving our selves as separate.
We forget that we are of one. That we are god.
We forget that names are a tool of convenience we use to facilitate our human experience.
By their very nature, names drive the illusion of separation. That is, they make it seem real. And, we believe it.
So, names become important.
We use them to differentiate our self, striving for uniqueness.
We assign meaning and significance to them.
We use them to signal relationship and status.
And we fail to see that we are inventing this importance.
Along the way, we begin to identify our own selves with our names, not just each other.
Our names become vital to us - signifying to our own selves our relationship and status.
Consequently, when others screw up our names, we take affront.
Why do others bollix our names?
One reason is simply conditioned behavior.
We speed past introductions to get to whatever it is we think is the heart of the immediate matter. That is, whatever is "really" important and why I'm even talking to you in the first place.
And, so, out of inattention, we end up bungling each others' names.
Of course, this conditioned behavior (this collective habit) is rooted in one of our prime movers as seemingly separate humans - the need to know that we're okay.
One of the more common ways to feel okay (stay safe) is to adhere to cultural norms - collective habits. If we're following The Rules (rules we've made up and that exist only in thought, by the way), then we're probably okay. Whew!
This need to think we're okay - to protect and defend our self image - also extends to the more seemingly-sinister ways in which we don't just bungle but deliberately mung up others' names.
- We separate our self out by deciding that you are not worth consideration.
- We separate our self out by telling you this directly.
- We separate our self out by displaying our outright contempt for you.
Not only are the walls up, but they are pointy and sharp, and explosive to boot.
And, again, all of this is because we forget.
We forget that our name is a thought-created concept and not our actual self.
We forget that our seemingly-separate self is not what we really are either.
We forget that we are already and always okay - it's built into the design.
We forget that we are of one. That we are god.
Names are important, but not only for the reasons we think they are.
Names are important because they help facilitate the gift of our human experience.
Trouble is, we forget.