vulnerability
2019-05-06
A friend told me about a show they'd been watching. Something by a popular author known for creating thought-provoking pieces. They hadn't seen all of the show yet; but ... yada yada, the premise might be something like:
We need vulnerability in order to be courageous.
(Or, I could have totally misheard them or made it up.)
My first reaction: This sounds complicated and like a lot of work.
Do we need vulnerability in order to be courageous?
Or, is it simply something that has often been observed to precede courageous acts?
And, if we accept the original premise, is the follow-on that by developing vulnerability/allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we then increase our odds of being courageous?
(Well, in that case, I guess we do, if it's a necessary precursor - like buying a lottery ticket is required in order to win the mega lottery, but it doesn't really make the event of winning that much more likely.)
Perhaps I should say instead: Is stating this premise about vulnerability meant to encourage people to become vulnerable so they can perhaps maybe do something courageous? (And, isn't it funny to consider that we might encourage courage?)
If so, then the writer-I-made-up-in-my-head might go on to say:
Vulnerability can be a good thing. And, we'd be better off if more of us were willing to let ourselves be vulnerable.
I guess vulnerability may appear to have its place.
But, it can't be manufactured or summoned upon demand. Not really.
What are you doing?
I'm practicing vulnerability.
How do you do that?
Well, I tell my partner that I am willing to open myself up and be vulnerable. And so they know that and respect it, appreciating that I'm putting myself in a precarious position.
What's precarious about it?
It's not actually dangerous like I'm going to be eaten by a lion or something. It's just that I'm sharing things - thoughts I've had, things I've said or done - that I haven't shared with anyone else before. Things that may reveal something I'm ashamed of or embarrassed about or afraid to have disparaged.
So, you're afraid of your thoughts about your thinking.
And you're putting yourself at the mercy of another person's thoughts about your thinking - the risk being that you won't like what you think (about what they think (about what you think))?Umm ... yeah.
You know, I'm not really liking what I think you're thinking about what I'm thinking right now.
Hah! Really?
Well, it IS pretty ridiculous, now that I think about it. Silly, really.
And, I actually don't feel bad about it anymore. Which, I guess is the point of practicing vulnerability - so you can get over yourself and get on with it.
That's one way to do it!
I bet if you kept at it long enough - practicing the vulnerability out of all the things - you'd see a pattern. That pattern being: It doesn't matter what "the thing" is, it's all always just thoughts.
They come and go and change.
And, regardless of what you think - regardless of what's going on in your head - you're always free to just carry on regardless.
That's a pretty good stopping place right there - seeing the utility and futility of manufactured vulnerability.
But, there's more to see.
And, what about courage?
Remember the original made-up premise: We need vulnerability in order to be courageous.
When we are truly, naturally vulnerable - in a situation akin to facing possible death or dismemberment - the veil of duality is lifted. There is no separate "me" and there is no separate "you" (or separate situation) for "me" to be vulnerable to. We are fully present and boundaryless.
Vulnerable moments are ones where we're able to catch a glimpse of our true nature - to again recognize and return to the understanding that we are all of one.
Our definition of "self" changes.
Our definition of "peril" changes.
And, when we remember that (when we know that), we are liberated, free.
We see that I am not a victim and you are not an enemy and there is nothing to fight or protect, only to do what is right for ourself (our one self) - there is no actual need to feel vulnerable.
The actions we then take (in a situation some may see as fraught with peril, dangerous) may appear courageous; but, to ourself, in the moment, we are only doing what there is to do - it doesn't look or feel courageous to ourself.
I was just doing what anyone would have done.
And so it may appear that vulnerability is a necessary (or frequent) precursor to courage.
But, when you're truly vulnerable, courage is not required - it only looks that way from the outside.
And, when you're truly vulnerable, vulnerability is no longer a thing.
So, we might be tempted to chase opportunities to be vulnerable.
They enable us to appear courageous, which might appeal to us when we've forgotten we are of one.
But, deliberately inducing vulnerability ... why, that just reinforces the appearance of separation (for a thought-created self that is already feeling separate). Congratulations! You're even further away from where you long to be.
Or so it seems.
Turn around. It's okay - we all forget.
Our true nature is always vulnerable and always invincible.