to be understood
2020-11-14
Most of us seem to harbor a desire to be understood. Varying in degrees, of course ... from barely registering to the inconsolable longing felt by the more "complicated" among us. And it certainly can feel frustrating, disappointing, and isolating to be mis-understood.
I wonder, though:
What is there to be understood?
Well, who is there to be understood?
There is no who, no me. At least not in particular.
Consequently, there are no things about me to be understood.
There is but one thing to be understood.
And, if you know it, then you know that. You know me.
The rest is just distraction - temporal details, whims and wisps.
Let me try this last part again. Perhaps less elegantly, but more understandably. (You see, I have needs, too!)
These distractions - the temporal details, the whims and wisps - are the things we like/don't like, do/don't do, are/are not that we think define our unique self and so are in need of being understood (if our self is to be understood).
Some may get (understand) them better than others - picking up on them right away, while they're still fresh and applicable. Some may share them, or admire them.
And, that feels good.
And, it's fine to enjoy that good feeling - it's one of the gifts of being human.
Just don't mistake what it is and seek security / okay-ness there.
Because, ultimately, those things change.
We may cling to them for awhile - I have always ... I have never ... - trying to uphold this now-outdated image of our self.
Others may cling to them as well - They have always ... They have never ... - trying to uphold this now-crumbled false foundation upon which so much was imagined to have been built. And we may oblige, trying to hang on to what we once thought we had, shoehorning our selves into molds we know no longer fit in what we imagine is in service to our others.
Or, we may move easily and ungrudgingly on to the new things that now make sense to us.
Others may come along with us. Or, they may fall away. Our supporting cast of characters shifting - more and less smoothly - with our ever-changing things.
We appreciate those who seemingly allow us the grace to shift and change freely.
Who get us.
Who love us anyways.
A parent. An old friend. A kindly aunt or uncle. A pet.
Upon reflection, we recognize that it's not our things which are gotten (understood) or loved. It's our essence, our true self - the one that is constant, never-changing.
And that is every thing.