assumption of distress
2020-12-10
I have a grievance with grief support/counseling/literature ...
There's an assumption that the feelings and swings associated with grief are distressing.
Yes, you might well feel All The Feels. You might feel them very intensely.
The question is: Do you actually find it distressing?
When you know who/what you are and how it works, no thing is particularly distressing.
You can feel All The Feels. You can be totally bereft.
And you can still see through it enough to not find it distressing.
(sort of like being horrified during a horror film while knowing it's just a film)
And so you are free to simply live - maybe even enjoy - the human gift of feelings.
Now, of course, it's not always rainbows and unicorns.
Sometimes we forget and so feel distressed.
And there is nothing wrong with taking a kindly approach to another who is perhaps in a distressing situation.
But, the presumption and reinforcement of distress (and, ergo, separation) is anti-helpful.
Distress is simply a sign that we've forgotten.
A pointer.
The help is built in.